Pac-Rat

I have a love-hate relationship with life right now.  I love change and that it brings new exciting dimensions and adventures, but I hate not having schedules and time to do everything and always feeling like I'm not doing what I should.

Here's what is going on lately as far as change is concerned:

1. Little Beebit left for his mission yesterday.  He's going to Portland....Oregon, where he grew up.  Just like Jamaal did in Tennessee.  So funny.  It'll be a hard road for him, but I'm excited for his adventures.  I may or may have not cried after hanging up on the phone with him before he left.  That may or may have not been the second time I cried that morning. Don't worry, I'm changing my BC prescription in 2 weeks.....

2. I recieved an un-requested sporadic 4-day weekend starting the day Jamaal came home from scout camp.  He'll probably resent me forever for it, but I had to get outa here!! So I tried to plan a camping trip to Glacier since neither of us had been there, but he was tired, and Dee-dee decided to bring her family and the new baby to my parents house....so I couldn't really pass up that opportunity.  We still went camping one night in the Bitteroots which was nice, not Glacier, but it'll do for now, we'll have other chances to go there. Also, I love spending time with my family, and that last chance to see Beebit  pre-mission.  Plus Jamaal caught up on some sleep. We also cooked a pizza over our campfire that night in the woods.....which was aweomse.  I'll post pictures when I get home tonight.

3. I'm was finally starting to get in the groove at work, and then my machine broke down for a week.  I was shipped out to other sites during that time, and ended up getting over-time during the whole ordeal while they fixed it...and it's still not fixed.  So our higher-ups are trying to pull some strings to get us new equipment, but for now I just have to make do.....which means feeling embarrased every day when I have to shut down the machine in the middle of an exam where my patient is already in a lot of pain and not pleased with me. Or having this horrible timer beeper go off when it shouldn't and then not shut off....that one's my favorite.  Or hoping evertime a Dr. orders and x-ray that this time will not be the time I will have to go tell that Dr. the machine is down and No pictures for you today! Sorry!!  Uggghhh Hopefully this all gets sorted out before the semester starts at the college and we get super busy.

4. Ummm...we're moving in like a week.  This is the real love-hate stuff.  I love moving into a new place, I love getting rid of stuff we don't need, I love getting new stuff we realize we always needed, I love having more space and extra rooms.....I hate packing, I hate lifting heavy stuff, I hate spending money, I hate moving into a smaller kitchen.  I hate changing my address with every organization on the face of the Earth. I hate feeling like I don't belong in our current ward anymore and realizing I won't know anyone in the new ward or town.....but I love that too, new friends are great.
     The other thing that is sucky is we finally met with the missionaries of our current ward last night, and I really liked them. One is just a greenie!!  It reminded me of all the work I need to be doing, and although we accepted their invitations, it seemed kinda hollow knowing we wouldn't even be working with them in a week...., but it gave me the motivation to do something about it and start working with the misionaries as soon as we move.  Maybe I'll get called to be a ward missionary.  :)  Yay.
    Also I'm exited to settle down because I know it'll force me to stop making excuses to work out and eat healthy.  I'm really ready to be healthy and fit in my clothes again. for real.

5. I'm cutting my hair.  There is only a love-love relationship here.  I can't wait any longer!!

Here's a link  to my favoritest video about Cheney, the town we're moving too.  You will enjoy it. Believe me.

Singleness

I promise I have been writing in my journal.  It's hard because I do it at work and I'm afraid "big brother" is peaking onto my work computer and reading my innermost thoughts and personal feelings, but at least I am doing it, and being somewhat regular about it. But I have neglected you little bloggy.

Tonight I am blogging late though because I am lonely and sad and probably a little PMS-y, whiny.  Jamaal is gone for the whole week at Boy Scout camp.  he is the scout master for our ward and for the Friendship Park Branch, which is a Marshaleese branch that shares half of its meetings with ours.  So he has about 90% of his scout troop made up of young men who don't even know what scouts are, and a couple of white kids who mostly don't care much.  However, ever since he's gotten the calling, things have changed.  The boys love him and they work so hard to do their merit badges and things.  They had a good turnout for the huge encampment that includes 15 stakes this week.  Even my dad is there from Missoula it's so big.  Anyways.  When Jamaal received the calling there wasn't even a registered scout troop for the boys, and he's worked his butt off to get them this far, so it's a big deal.  I'm so glad he got to go and wear his cool hat........

He loves that hat....
So what all this means for me.....I'm alone.  It's all about me huh?  Granted we have spent many nights away from each other, I used to work graveyards for goodness sakes, but all that time we were never far away, and both had our phones attached to our fingers constantly texting all the time.  This time though, we're separated for reals.  He isn't even sure he can find a place to charge his phone so he is turning it off all day and just checking it at night and in the morning to make sure I'm not in the hospital or something.  whew.

I told mom-in-law today that it isn't really fair that we've been thrust into this so soon as newlyweds.  I mean one or two nights i could handle....but a whole week?!?!  Come on!!  I thought this wouldn't be so hard.  But it is. It sucks.  That's all there is to it.  I have spent the past couple evenings with Tacoma.  She's a life-saver.  And Luckily someone asked me to work for them on tomorrow, so there's one more day I'm not sitting at home staring at the walls or looking through pictures of my love and crying......not that I do that.  But it is so weird that I feel so different without him here.  I don't think it's that I'm dependent on him, it's more like I don't feel right with him so far away. I can't tell him about all the nuances that happened to me today, and it's just sad.

I missed a call from him tonight.  It broke my heart.

When I got home I went to the bathroom and I had a moment of happiness and closeness to my husband.  At our wedding some turkeys vandalized our car, and then left the supplies in our apartment......to remember them by.
They left some window markers which Jamaal has often put to good use.  It started with a love note on our bathroom mirror one morning, a simple "I love you". To which I responded with an "I love you more", and then an "I love you most" and the fight has never stopped.  One day I tried to be clever and left this one.

It's a love graph showing that I obviously love Jamaal more over time, but he quickly proved me wrong, it was embarrassing.  Sometime after that this was on the mirror when I came home.

 It says

 " I love you more today than yesterday

And I will love you more tomorrow than today,

And everyday I live I will only love you more"

It's been up and hasn't faded or gotten smeared by moisture for months.  I love it.  Love it so much.  Our sealer said that we should say that to each other every day of our marriage, and I look at it multiple times a day. I love it.  No matter what happens that day between us, I always know this is true. And i truly love him more everyday, no matter how far he is.  If anything, this distance and week of time away from each other has made my heart grow closer to him more than ever.  I never realized how much he meant to me and how much I depend on him.  What a lucky girl I am!

he'd better come home soon.  :)

Announcements!

3 Announcements today!

             1. We had our 6 month anniversary this last Saturday.  To celebrate I stayed up all night and all day and went to watch Jamaal run in the Dirty Dash.

             

               2. I graduate this Thursday!!  With Honors!!  It will look something like this. Except with cords and stuff.

           3. I started a full time job today!!  I accepted an offer with Rockwood clinic for a full time job in Cheney, WA, which is the same town as Eastern Washington University where Jamaal has been commuting for school. So. no more commuting! We're moving to Cheney at the end of the summer!  And it's full time and benefited and everything nice! You know what's the best part of it though?  NO MORE GRAVEYARD SHIFTS!!!!  WOOT WOOT!!

Last but not least, and not an announcement....I found Jamaal's senior pictures and had to post one....or two. He's just so stinkin cute!

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Guess who has two thumbs and is going to start blogging more?

This Girl!

This has been some of the hardest months ever.  Thank goodness we got married when we did because I cannot even fathom trying to plan a wedding right now.  There are only 2 weeks of clinical left, but I don't really care because I passed my very very last important test, my terminal clearance, last Friday.  Basically that just means I have nothing left to do now except for pass the national registry and get a job. It makes the senioritis that much worse.  The clinical site I am at this week is one that didn't hire me, and after witnessing the hiring process there, and seeing how horribly they are treating the student they did hire, I am so grateful I didn't get that job.  I am pretty hopeful about another one I applied for, but I'll announce that when it's official.  The whole ordeal has made me so grateful to Heavenly Father for knowing so much better than I do what I need.  I had no idea things could possibly work out so wonderfully, but they are.  And...further, I got a 90% on that last clearance!!  I'm pretty proud of myself. The next two weeks I go through a mammography rotation, and then there's a week of BBQs and a Silverwood trip, then I take the test on June 22nd. I can finally see the light.  I cannot believe I am finally almost finished, what a hard two years it has been. It's weird to think that I wrote this post a couple years ago, so excited to get my first set of x-ray makers, and now I'm finally almost official.

So I'm going to have a lot more time with the absence of homework and long clinical hours. And I'll need to keep myself busy because Jamaal is still going to be in school for the rest of his life. So this week I bought a groupon for a photo album for super cheap and I'm making our wedding album. It only took me this afternoon to finish....so I need to find more projects, which I'm sure I will be able to do.  I'm going to start writing in my journal more, I'm going to try to digitize all my childhood pictures and album them as well, and I'm going to go biking more.  Jamall got me this sweet Felt for my birthday

And I'm really loving biking more now that I can go fast, and go far.  And Jamaal loves that I can keep up with him finally.  We are also loving that we live right on the centennial trail which is so amazingly beautiful, I can't believe I hadn't experienced so much of it until recently.  I love love love it. 

I'm also really excited to possibly get a good job so that I can quit my assistant job at Sacred Heart.  I really like that job, I love my coworkers, and I love that I make so much money, but I just cannot do the graveyard shifts anymore.  They are killing me.  All my coworkers are sick all the time, We are all getting fat, and I just hate the way I feel afterwords.  I also hate not sleeping at the same time as my husband.  In fact I hate that we are not awake at the same times. If everything works out, this summer is going to the be the best ever!  Here's to hopin!

Things I Hate Right Now

Things I Hate Right Now:
Birth control - love it's purpose, hate how it makes me feel.  It may be what spurred on this post.
Being awake when it's sleepy time
People with 2 faces....the symbolic kind
Not spending time with Jamaal
SCHOOL!

Things I Love Now:
Jamaal - Now and Always
Graduating in 2 months
Job opportunities
Jamaal
My family
My blessings - temporal and spiritual
My calling
Jamaal

Life Upate

So I feel horrible for not posting for so long, in my defense I have written a bit in my journal, not enough, but a little. And life has gotten so busy!  I swear I see Jamal less now that I did when we were dating! 

School is kicking my butt. I have major senioritis, and it's getting worse, and this has to be one of the most work intensive semesters yet!  They want us to cram and get everything done this semester so all we have to the last semester is take mock exams to prepare us for the registry.....and be unmotivated to go to clinical.  Less than 5 months left!  It's the only thing that keeps me going....

The good news is that the winter break was amazing!  I got married, moved into our new apartment, succesfully changed my  name to Aunt Bacon Calkins, and we took our honeymoon to San Diego/Palm Springs!  Thanks Billbo and Ellen for helping us with our trip!

Camera Stealers......I'm gonna get you back for defacing our car!

Hotel Coronado on Coronado Island. 

Beautiful beach, there was an ice skating rink set up on the beach!

San Diego Temple

Lookout view from the top of San Jacinto looking over Palm Springs. We had to take an Aerial Tram up there but it was totally worth it!  Wish we would have known you can go snowshoeing or cross-country skiing at the top!

We had to climb a mountain to find any snow!  It was wonderful weather while we were there ;)

We went to the Mormon Battalion visitors center and rode horses....

Panned for gold....

Learned how to wash clothes.... (good for newly married kids)

And learned how to make bricks!

Then we ate!

 Christmas as wonderful!  Adam got up early and made me breakfast for when I got home from work that morning. We waited to open all our wedding gifts on Christmas day, so we had a ton!  Then we went over to our old Bishop's house for dinner.  One last single's ward harah!

Adam's super awesome bedsheet Christmas tree

Other than school and work and work and work, we've tried to go on a date every week despite our busy schedules.  Thank goodness for groupons! 

Jamal won tickets to Monster Jam for his winning announcer voice!

And....I made my first quilt! Don't be alarmed that it's a baby quilt, I promise no announcements are coming soon.  It was just the only thing that could be useful with that size of a quilt. I'm pretty dang proud of it

Wedding!

So December 16th....I got married. no biggie.  Just sealed for time and all eternity to the most wonderful man alive!
First....a couple good friends Amanda and Emily threw me a bridal shower.  I got lots of great gifts, but this one from my mom and Shawsh took the cake.

Yes, that is a full length footie pajama outfit.  Rawr!

 The Day of the Wedding:

Friends and family that attended the sealing

I'm so glad so many of my family was able to come!!  (And Sarah)

I love this picture, I love my parents, We all look so Happy!

I'm Dad's favorite :)

You can go ahead and be jealous of our sweet kicks

My personal favorite. We have a thing for jumping pictures

The future father of my children.....Bouquet courtesy of Welke's House of Roses

I loved our photographer!

I honestly could not have asked for anything better! Everything went pretty smooth, the weather cooperated for the most part (No snow on the ground, but at least everyone was safe) Thanks to everyone who helped make it the best day of my life!