Just One of Those Days

I've discovered that I become fairly incoherent in my writing when I do so at 3am while at work, but I have strong nagging urges to express some things tonight. 

It's amazing to me really how one shrill voice and 20 seconds can turn a pretty awesome "look-forward-to" type of day into a crappy one; one where you question who you are and what you're doing and whether your whole life is a joke.  I'm probably just in an emotional state right now, but gosh, my skin is certainly become less thick than it used to be.  I really was looking forward to today, and all in all, it was good! I got a clearance in clinicals in the morning, we had pizza for lunch, I got out early, the blood drive at church was very successful, and I made it to work despite the many forces trying to make me call in sick again.  (I'm not sick....)  

But it only takes one apple to make the barrell rotten right?  It's not a glass is half-full type of day.

Today both the junior and senior class was supposed to come out of clinicals for lunch, officer elections, and the show-down to see who would represent our school in the "knowledge-bowl"  at the x-ray conference in a few weeks.  I think in high school and even most of my undergrad I would have been the type of person to do these type of things, you know, run for office, and participate in competitions, but I have NO desire now.  I feel busy, all the time.  I feel overworked, and justified in not  trying to do everything and be involved in everything......I'm the only student in my class with zero clocked hours of x-ray club service.  boo.  I'm the freakin relief society president!


Proof that I once was cool......seriously.

Anyway, I do well in my classes, I excel in clinicals, and I do my best in other areas of my life, and it's enough for me.  But today, while trying to determine who would be the faces of SCC's x-ray program the the distinguished conference in Wentchee.....our class performed quite horribly on a test of things "we should know".  Well we didn't know much, or at least didn't take the test very seriously, regardless, our instructor was very "disappointed"  and exclaimed so, loudly and very high-pitchedly in front of the other class, and made us feel about 2" tall. Well me at least. 

I know I could have done better, I know I should try harder to retain the information I'm learning.  I know I should be diligent in my homework, but I'm not.  I'm imperfect. And I really take it hard when other people point that out.  Now I wasn't singled out, the whole class was chastised, but it doesn't change the fact that I am definitely one of the ones she "expected more from".  I'm wearing thin.  literally. I really pray that the rumors of 3rd quarter being significantly easier than the first two are true.  If not....I really do wonder if I'm where I need to be.....